I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
