its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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