woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
