i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
