either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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