i love accidental penises.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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