It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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