I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
