Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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