Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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