Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
