you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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