apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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