woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
