Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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