Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
