I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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