Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this beer tastes like vomit already
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
