I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
