That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
