Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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