I accidentally burped into my bong.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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