How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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