what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize