id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
