She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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