yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize