Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sobbing to NWA
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
