He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
