I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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