Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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