guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize