Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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