it was like his penis was on wheels.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
