Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
