I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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