Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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