The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
