I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
