is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
