Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
