Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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