I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
