And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
