At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
