Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
