Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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