you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
