I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
