Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
