There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
