Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
