so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
