okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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