Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
