I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Pooping to opera.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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