In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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