I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
