i was born a porn star she said
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
