In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
