I hope mine doesn't look like that
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
