***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
