Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
