Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
