I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
